Accessing the Grace of Christ in Our Daily Lives

I spoke in Sacrament Meeting this morning for the first time in nearly two years. Noelle and I spoke in July or August 2012, shortly after we moved into our new ward. This time, I was asked to speak on the topic of grace. I know it makes for a very long blog post, but the full text of my talk is below. I include it in my blog because it deals a lot with the challenges I've had over the past 20 1/2 months, and how the grace of my Savior has been so incredibly important in sustaining, strengthening, comforting and enabling me through it all...

In Abraham 3:25, we read of a conversation between God and Christ before sending us all to Earth. God said, “And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.” In this verse, the word “prove” means to try or test. God did not say “we will see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them when life is easy.” This life is hard. It was meant to be so. Otherwise it wouldn’t be much of a test. Lehi instructed his sons to be ready for challenges when he told them “it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Nephi 2:11, emphasis added). But there is a purpose in the opposition we face. Lehi continued: “if it were not so…righteousness could not be brought to pass, …neither holiness, …neither good” (2 Nephi 2:11). Lehi is telling us that without the opposition that comes to us in our lives, we would have no ability to develop the level of righteousness, holiness and goodness we need to be prepared to return to the presence of God and enjoy the full blessings that come to His faithful children.

The apostle Paul was a man who knew a bit about opposition. He was heavily involved in the opposition to the early Church and its members throughout the Holy Lands. Following his conversion, he travelled thousands of miles throughout Palestine, western Asia, and Europe, to repair the damage he had done and to bring others to Christ. He was imprisoned, shipwrecked and suffered many further oppressions for the sake of the Gospel. Through all of the opposition he faced on the Lord’s side of things, his faith was tested and his testimony of the resurrected Savior was opposed at every turn. How did he go on? Where did he find the strength to do all that he did? In Philippians 4:13, Paul attests: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” How is it that Jesus Christ strengthened him in his times of darkness and light, scarcity and plenty, turmoil and peace? It was through the strengthening, comforting and enabling power of the Savior that we call grace.

On Saturday, December 1, 2012, my family and I had a singular experience. Less than two months after my diagnosis with Plasma Cell Leukemia, we received a personal visit from Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles while he was visiting our stake and reorganizing the Stake Presidency. He took time out of his very busy day to talk with us and to teach us.

After seating himself humbly on the piano bench, which was easily the least comfortable seat in the room, Elder Bednar looked at me and said simply, “How goes the battle.” I briefly explained to him how things were going and what lay ahead of us. He then asked, “As you’ve been going through this, what have you seen in yourself that has surprised you.” I spoke of how simple faith can also be profound, and how I’ve determined to allow the Lord to refine and prepare me for whatever lies next in my life. Elder Bednar then asked Noelle “What has surprised you about yourself through all of this?” Noelle talked about the strength she’s felt in being able to handle everything. Then Elder Bednar talked about where that strength comes from. He said that too often in the Church, we focus on how the Atonement “scrubs us clean,” as if those who have already been cleaned have no way to put the Atonement to use in their daily lives. He said that we don’t speak enough about the strength and comfort that come through the Atonement. “That is what grace is,” he said.

The Bible Dictionary defines grace as “divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.” It goes on to say, “It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by His atoning sacrifice, …that individuals, through faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts” (p. 697).

In his first General Conference address as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, Elder Bednar talked about grace as an additive to our weak but “best efforts” to help us accomplish the good we need to do in life. He highlighted the Book of Mormon prophet Jacob’s testimony that “the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things” (Jacob 4:7). Elder Bednar continues: “…the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity.”

For what “good works” do we require the grace of Christ to accomplish? Every single one. When is His grace available to us? Gratefully, always. And when do we need Christ’s grace? The answer is the same: always. We all need grace in our daily lives. But how can we arrive at the point that the Lord will intervene in our behalf with His grace?

In General Conference in April 1993, Elder Gene R. Cook explained “five principles that may help us obtain that divine intervention” (Receiving Divine Assistance through the Grace of the Lord). They are faith, repentance, humility, doing all in our power, and keeping the commandments. Is any one of us surprised that those would be the conditions for receiving this supernal gift from the Savior?

Moroni tells us that “Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moroni 7:33). Whose power will we have by our faith? The Lord’s power. In his epistle to the Romans, Paul says that “being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

“By whom also we have access by faith into this grace” (Rom. 5:1-2).

Repentance is the second condition by which we access grace. In the Book of Helaman, we read: “Therefore, blessed are they who will repent. …

“And may God grant … that men might be brought unto repentance and good works, that they might be restored unto grace for grace, according to their works” (Hel. 12:23–24). Elder Cook explains that “a repentant heart and good works are the very conditions required to have grace restored to us” when that power has been lost.

Humility is also a key. “God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble” (James 4:6). We must be humble enough to accept that we cannot do all that we need to do in this life without the assistance of He who is “mighty to save” (Alma 34:18).

We can’t expect the Lord to do everything for us, though. Nephi stated clearly that “by grace…we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Ne 25:23). Elder Cook adds that “unless one has done all in his own power, he cannot expect the grace of God to be manifest. …Once one has given all he can, then the Lord, through His grace, may assist him.” “Therefore, …let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:17).

Finally, we don’t have to be perfect to access grace, but we need to do our very best to keep the commandments. The Savior instructed, “If you keep my commandments you shall receive of [God’s] fullness …; therefore, …you shall receive grace for grace” (D&C 93:20). When we show the Lord our faith, repentance, humility, and willingness to do all we can to be obedient, the windows of Heaven are opened, and grace pours down upon us.

All home and visiting teachers who have ever had to “dig deep” to fulfill their assignment and keep their commitment to the Lord, their priesthood leaders and those they serve have accessed the grace of the Lord in doing His work. Every bishop who has had to rely upon revelation to know how best to counsel a ward member has benefited from this “enabling power.” Every mother who has knelt in prayer at the side of a sick child to seek peace of mind for herself and healing for one she loves has been blessed by the comforting power of Christ’s grace. This grace has been extended to all who have sought comfort when their hearts are empty and hurting as loved ones pass from this life into the next. All of us who have called upon the mercy and kindness of a forgiving Father in Heaven to heal our hearts and eliminate one more shade of “the natural man” in our lives have only received forgiveness through the grace made possible through the Atonement of Jesus. In short, every one of us who strives along the “strait and narrow” path that leads to eternal life needs the grace of Jesus Christ to strengthen our hands, steady our feet, and focus our vision more clearly on the “tree of life, whose fruit is most precious and most desirable above all other fruits; yea, and…the greatest of all the gifts of God” (1 Ne. 15:36).

The words of an old spiritual attest to the need for grace on an ongoing basis:

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home. (Amazing Grace, John Newton)

Elder Bednar asks if we can “sense the grace and strengthening power of Christ in the testimony of Ammon?” Ammon says, “Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things…for which [I] will praise his name forever” (Alma 26:12). Truly, … in the strength of the Lord we can do and endure and overcome all things.” Brothers and sisters, I testify that I have learned that for myself.

I’m incredibly grateful to be able to say that going through four rounds of chemotherapy was not a huge ordeal for me. Sure, I lost my strength and stamina, and food didn’t taste good to me, but I wasn’t anywhere near as sick as I had anticipated being. Then in February of last year I went through the first of two stem cell transplants. The three weeks I spent in the hospital were like walking “through the valley of the shadow of death.” In addition to needing regular transfusions of red blood cells, plasma and platelets, and feeling incredibly weak and tired all the time, I also developed typhlitis, an infection in my gut that made it impossible to eat or digest anything.

While in the hospital recovering from my second transplant just three months later, I developed Graft vs. Host Disease, giving me sores in my mouth and throat that made swallowing anything a burden. The pain was so intense that I needed a pain pump to administer to my own relief.

Nine days after being released from the hospital after my second transplant, I was back in a hospital bed with a liver and kidneys that were failing. My medicines weren’t being filtered out of my body properly and ultimately became toxins to my body. My brain activity dropped to about half of normal and I lost my abilities to do most of the very simple things we all take for granted every day like shifting my own body in bed, bathing, eating and communicating effectively. At times, I would have complete sentences going through my head as I wanted to participate in conversations between Noelle, my doctors and nurses, and others, but only grunts and groans would come out of my mouth. I remember wondering if I would ever come back to normal, and why the Lord would allow me to suffer as I was. As my liver and kidneys slowly began working again, I was able to speak and eat a little, but needed help walking. For several days I worked with the hospital’s physical therapists, having to walk with a walker. On the first day with the walker, I couldn’t even go 10 feet without walking my therapist into the wall. Gradually, my ability to walk, talk and eat came back to me, and I was able to return home to continue my recovery.

For the next couple months, everything I did was laborious. Noelle and I had to move to the ground floor of our home because I was so weak that it was unsafe for me to climb the stairs to our bedroom. I shuffled my feet everywhere I went. If I tripped, I couldn’t catch myself without falling to the ground with a heavy thud. When I was on the ground, I needed to crawl to a bed or a stair to help myself get up, or have someone pick me up. I was 41, but felt like I was 101. Being bald didn’t help me feel any younger, either. =0)

Alma tells us that Christ suffered as deeply as he did in Gethsemane and on the cross “that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12). Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has explained that “to succor means ‘to run to’,” and “that Christ will run to us, and is running even now, if we will but receive the extended arm of his mercy” (“Teaching, Preaching, Healing,” Ensign, Jan. 2003).

Much has been said about the value one could derive from walking in another man’s shoes. Unfortunately, cancer is something I’ve found that is a singular experience for every patient, even if the kind of cancer they have and the treatment regimen they go through is identical to that of another. Every patient’s body experiences those things in their own unique way. Though I had the assistance and sympathy of many who love me, and the relative empathy of other leukemia patients I had met, I was alone in my particular experience. In his visit to our home several months before, Elder Bednar had expressed his conviction that “when we feel the most alone is when the Savior draws nearest to us.” As awful as I felt physically through all of these health issues, I felt the Savior draw near to me every day through the grace He offered me. His promise that as we “draw near unto [Him]” that “[He] will draw near unto [us]” (D&C 88:63) became evident as I called upon Him in frequent prayer. God’s words to Joseph Smith echoed through my mind: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high” (D&C 121:7-8).

Over the course of the last 20 ½ months since a shoulder injury led to MRIs, blood tests and, ultimately, discussions about blood, bone marrow and leukemia, it’s been interesting to see and feel the infinitely merciful and gracious hand of the Lord in my life. Many times, I’ve seen it in the good things that you, our fellow ward members, have done for my family when moved upon by the Holy Spirit. Many times, I’ve witnessed the manifestation of Christ’s grace when doctors have no medical explanation for the illness or the subsequent healing. I’ve felt the comforting power of His grace in the peace He’s given me through the Holy Ghost in times of sadness, loneliness and illness. I’ve seen His grace in the strength He’s given Noelle to suffer alongside me with courage and with the conviction that it will all turn out alright.

Brothers and sisters, I testify that our Savior lives. In the words of a favorite hymn:

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart. (“I Know That My Redeemer Lives,” Hymns, 136)

It is through the grace of Christ, made possible through His infinite, merciful and loving Atonement for us all that these blessings are made available to us. I know that He is always there and that His grace is always available to us to strengthen us, comfort us, and empower us in all we do. I have felt this power. I testify that “if [we] shall deny [ourselves] of all ungodliness, and love God with all [our] might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for [us], that by his grace [we] may be perfect in Christ” (Moro. 10:32). I pray that we might always choose to access grace by doing all we can to live in accordance with our covenants and always being engaged in good works. May we then live in constant gratitude for the “enabling power” of grace in our daily lives. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.