My Wish Has Come True

Today I received an early birthday present (my birthday is this Saturday). I received an email from Rachael Beers, my Care Coordinator at the BMT unit, containing...

MY DONOR'S CONTACT INFORMATION!!!

I can't express how happy that made me. His name is Ambros, and he lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico. After contemplating what in the world I might say to the man who saved my life (as if I hadn't thought about it before...), I just started writing the following email:

Hello, Ambros.

I am so happy to be writing to you. My 42nd birthday is this Saturday, June 28, and I can't imagine a better birthday present I could possibly receive than your contact information. For the last 13 months since my stem cell transplant on May 29, 2013, I have wanted nothing more than to have the opportunity to contact you personally to say one very simple thing:

Thank you for saving my life.

Writing those words seems so incredibly inadequate. You may or may not realize it, but without your stem cells that have created new, healthy marrow, which now produces healthy, cancer-free blood cells for me, I would likely be dead by now. I have a wife and five children (ages 8 to 14), and we all thank God for you and for your willingness to reach out and save a complete stranger's life. What you did was extremely selfless and has put me in your eternal debt. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Since last April, when I learned that a donor had been found for me, I have thanked God daily for "my donor"  - now I can thank God for Ambros.

Perhaps I should give you some information about me and the cancer you saved me from. My name is John Philpott. I was born in Southern California, and raised primarily in Northern California in a city called Santa Rosa, about an hour north of San Francisco. I received my Bachelor of Music in Vocal Performance from Brigham Young University-Hawaii, and my Master of Music in Vocal Performance from California State University-Sacramento. I was married on December 27, 1996 to my college sweetheart, Noelle, and we have since had one child by birth and added four children to our family by way of adoption. In 2009, following the finalization of the adoption of the youngest of our children, Noelle and I followed our guts and moved our family from Sacramento, CA to Taylorsville, UT, right in the heart of the Salt Lake Valley. We knew we needed a bigger home in a more family-friendly environment than what California could offer us. We did not know how critical that move to Utah would be in ultimately saving my life.

In September 2012, I injured my shoulder while doing a pushup. I know, sounds pretty wimpy, right? That shoulder injury led to a doctor's visit, which led to a visit with an orthopedist. He took some x-rays, but could see nothing conclusive that would explain my extremely limited range of motion and severe pain in moving my left shoulder. He ordered a series of MRIs on my shoulder, shoulder blade, and upper arm. A few days later, he called me saying that there were "bone marrow changes in all of the bones they could see, and lots of it." He told me he needed me to come in the next morning for some blood tests. I went that Wednesday morning, and on Thursday afternoon, he called to confirm what Noelle and I had feared. He said that my white blood cell counts were through the roof and the pathology came back abnormal. He referred me to an oncologist and hematologist.

On Friday, October 4, 2012, Noelle and I met with Dr. Richard Frame, a leukemia specialist, and were given a working diagnosis of Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, or CLL. We scheduled my first round of chemotherapy, which was to be given in his office as an outpatient, beginning on Monday, October 15th. In the intervening week, I was to go to Intermountain LDS Hospital for some tests to nail down my official diagnosis and determine just how advanced my leukemia was. When we arrived at Dr. Frame's office on Monday the 15th, he brought us in, sat us down and told us that I didn't have CLL after all. He was waiting for one more test result to come in to confirm the findings of the other tests, and we wouldn't proceed with the chemo regimen we had planned. We would do a 30-minute infusion of Zometa (a bone strengthener), and then he would call us later that day.

That afternoon, he called and told me I had Plasma Cell Leukemia (PCL), which is an extremely rare form of Multiple Myeloma. He said it's typically found in patients who are well into their 60s and beyond (the median age at diagnosis is 67; I was just 40), and that I was in for what might turn out to be a very long battle for my life. He  said he was turning my care over to the Blood and Marrow Transplant (BMT) unit at LDS Hospital, as I would ultimately need a marrow transplant in an attempt to save my life. The next morning, I received a phone call from Rachael, my care coordinator at LDS  Hospital's BMT unit, telling me they needed me to come be admitted to the hospital that day, and that I would likely be there for about 6 weeks to induce my chemotherapy and treatment for my leukemia.

Plasma Cell Leukemia is a blood cancer that is caused when a person's DNA "breaks," in a manner of speaking, and begins telling the marrow in their body to produce faulty white blood cells with no immune capabilities. Those cancerous "blasts" eat their way out of the hard white bone matter, causing the bones to become very porous and brittle, which is why I suffered a partial separation of a tendon from my lower-left shoulder blade the month before. The shoulder blade was just too porous for the tendon to hold on to it with the stress of the pushup. Plasma Cell Leukemia is extremely aggressive. My doctors believe that six months before diagnosis, I was still cancer free. Tests in early October showed, though, that 74% of my white blood cells were cancerous blasts. Undiagnosed and heading into the cold and flu season, I was just a month or two away from catching some bug that my body would have no chance of fighting or surviving.  Imagine...I could have died from a cold or simple flu bug. Thank Heaven I hurt my shoulder. As it is, the prognosis for patients with PCL is very, very poor. I am fortunate that

Gratefully, LDS Hospital's BMT unit is exceptional at what they do. It's overseen by a group of 7 incredibly talented and dedicated blood cancer doctors who truly work together as a team to treat hundreds of leukemia and lymphoma patients each year. After looking into the options I would have had in the Sacramento area, I've decided that God truly led Noelle and I to move to Salt Lake City to receive the best treatment I could possibly hope for from a true team of professionals who have become like family to me. T he 6 weeks I was initially expected to be in the hospital turned out to only be 5 days. After beginning my chemo and seeing that my body was withstanding it pretty well, my doctors said I could go home and continue my chemotherapy on an outpatient basis. I was thrilled. Over the next 16 weeks, I went through 4 rounds of chemotherapy, and was admitted to the hospital once more for one of my two bouts with pneumonia. Gratefully, my body continued to avoid the most horrible of possible chemotherapy side effects, and I was even able to continue working until Valentine's Day, February 14, 2013.

I was admitted to the BMT unit shortly thereafter for the first of my two stem cell transplants on February 22. We were going to do what is referred to as a "tandem transplant," when a patient is given his own (cleaned) stem cells in an effort to shock the leukemia into remission for a couple months before going through the donor transplant. I spent three weeks in the hospital for that transplant, suffering an infection in my lower large intestine, but recovering OK. I was sent home to recover fully and prepare for a hopeful donor stem cell transplant, provided a matched and willing donor could be found for me. My first transplant only had the power to stem the tide, so to speak, as my own marrow would ultimately produce the leukemic cells again. I would need someone else's marrow to produce my blood for me if I was going to live. On April 9, 2013, Rachael (my care coordinator) called me with news that would change my life forever. A donor had been found, and he was a perfect 10-out-of-10 HLA match. Over the next few weeks, we worked out the timeline and my second (and much more important) transplant was scheduled for May 29, 2013...my re-birthday.

Over the week leading up to my transplant, I was given very high-dose chemotherapy to completely wipe out my own marrow. Then on the morning of May 29, representatives from the American Red Cross walked into my room with your frozen stem cells. They thawed them out at my bedside with a special machine, hooked them up to my IV, and my new life began. Noelle and I celebrated my rebirth with a little chocolate cake right there in my hospital room. Over the next couple weeks, your stem cells circulated through my blood stream, found their way to my hollowed out bones, set up shop and began to generate bone marrow...good, clean, healthy bone marrow. That marrow produced clean, cancer-free blood for my body for the first time in about a year. I was released to go home on Friday, June 14, just in time for Father's Day.

The next several months were pretty hard. I spent another 3 weeks in the hospital with failing kidneys and liver, and medicines that weren't being filtered out of my system. I don't even remember most of the first 12 days of that hospital stay, as the medicines turned into toxins in my body and reduced my brain activity to only about 1/2 of normal. Following that hospital stay, I needed 4-1/2 months of physical and occupational therapy to help me regain my strength, balance and coordination again. I had to take steroids that caused me to gain a ton of weight and look a little like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man for the 5 months I had to take them. Gradually, though, I have regained my strength, relative health and a sense of quasi-normalcy.

For now, my...uh...your immune system is still being partially suppressed by a medication called Cyclosporine (Cyclo). With transplants, the donor's immune system can fight against the recipient's body systems like the skin, eyes, GI tract, nervous system, liver, kidneys, etc. It's called Graft vs. Host Disease (GVH or GVHD). While I was in the hospital after receiving your stem cells, I got some GVH of the GI tract that made it very difficult to eat, swallow or digest anything for several days. Over the past few months, as we've been slowly tapering my Cyclo dosage, I've been getting some GVH of the skin, but it's very mild. I've lost the majority of my body hair and my skin gets dry, bumpy and rashy at times. It's nowhere near as bad as it can get. A friend of mine is currently suffering from GVH of the skin, and looks and feels like a burn victim.  We hope to have me completely off of the Cyclo within a few months from now so your immune system can begin protecting me the way it protects you.

Overall, I feel pretty darned great. My family is actually on vacation this week in Park City, UT, and we're enjoying ourselves thoroughly. I've been cleared by my doctors to go back to work part time for a while to assess how my energy levels hold up before going back full time. I'm in the interview process with the National Marrow Donor Program (Be The Match) to be hired as their Drive Attendant for the state of Utah. I'm already a Volunteer Ambassador, and have run three  marrow donor recruitment drives already. Now, I'd be paid to do what I've been doing as a volunteer. I decided after learning that Be The Match had provided my donor for me that I wanted to give back to the organization that had given me my life. How cool that they're willing to pay me for what I've already been willing to do as a volunteer.

Anyway, since September of 2012, shortly before my diagnosis came, I've been keeping a blog to chronicle my thoughts, feelings and experiences as I've battled for my life. If you'd like to read any of it, here's the link: http://philpottsfight.blogspot.com. I'm also on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/philpottdad.

I'm sorry this email is so long, but I wanted you to know what my path has been like and what your part in it has been. Without you, my chances of surviving my leukemia were basically nonexistent. With you and your stem cells, I have the chance of living for years or even decades beyond today. Being able to thank you for that gift is exactly why I have been so anxious to reach my first "transplantiversary" (transplant anniversary) and request your contact information. I would be thrilled to learn more about you, as well. All I've known until now is that my donor was a 29-year old male at the time of his donation. Now I have your name address, email and phone number. What else can you tell me about yourself? Married? Kids? If so, please don't be shy to tell your family you're a hero. =0) Also, I'd be interested to know what led you to joining the donor registry.

Well, I guess that's about the longest "introductory" email I've ever written. I'll sign off for now, and hope you're well and gratified to know that you've made an immeasurable difference in the life of another human being, not to mention the lives of his family and friends. I hope to hear back from you when you can find a moment.

Thank you again for the gift of life.

Sincerely,

John Philpott

I gave him my address and phone number, as well. 

With my birthday and Abby's show on Saturday, I'll wrap up a pretty great month. I will have received confirmation that I'm still cancer-free and in remission one year post-transplant, seen my older sister get married to an amazing man, arrived at the precipice of a new and exciting job (more info when it becomes official), completed another year of life, and learned the identity of the previously anonymous man who saved my life. 42 is bound to be a great year. =0)

Austin, TX - Part 2

Monday and Tuesday were a lot of fun. I left my hotel in South Austin a little before noon Monday to drive about 30 minutes or so to a restaurant called The Salt Lick in Driftwood, TX. Oh my goodness. The briskett and ribs were amazing. Yasir and Gwen treated us (me, Mom, Dad, and my nephew Jason) to lunch, and it was worth every mile and minute driven to get there. Actually, I would have driven further. So, so good. Here's Gwen, Yasir and I after stuffing ourselves with a bunch of delicious meat...

After saying goodbye to Gwen and Yasir, Mom, Dad, Jason and I drove back up to Austin to check out the George Washington Carver museum. It was OK. The most interesting thing I saw and learned was about the emancipation of slaves in Texas. I had no idea that it took nearly two years before the Emancipation Proclamation (written in September of 1863) was enforced in Texas (June 19, 1865). African-Americans in Texas now celebrate "Juneteenth," which is the celebration of legal racial equality in Texas. Pretty interesting. 

After leaving there, we drove about 15 minutes to the Umlauf Sculpture Garden and Museum. Unfortunately, it's closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. Bummer. So, at this point, we went and parked at the Hyatt Regency hotel, where our 8 p.m. activity was to begin. But, with the heat of the day, and time to spare, we decided to walk up the street to get some ice cream. It was definitely HOT, but my milkshake made the walk in the heat worth it. 

At 8:00, Mom, Dad and I had a bat-viewing river cruise planned. Every spring about 750,000 mexican fruit bats come from Monterey, Mexico in one single night. About 95% of them are pregnant females. While in Austin, they give birth then wait for their babies to be strong enough to go back to Monterey. Every day, the bats sleep under the South Congress Avenue Bridge. Just after sunset, they emerge and take to the skies for the night, to eat about their full weight in mosquitos before returning to the bridge some time between 4 and 5 a.m. We got to watch them emerge from under the bridge, and wow. It was so cool to see these swarms of bats flying along the underside of the bridge, then off above the treetops on the south shore of the river. The boat drivers all have these big red flood lights that they shine up at the underside of the bridge so we can see the bats flying out. It was definitely a very unique experience. I just wish more of the many pictures I took had turned out, but here's the sunset and the best shot I have of the bats.

Today was my day to be alone in Austin. After sleeping in a little, I ate breakfast, got ready and checked out of my hotel. My first stop of the day was the Hope Outdoor Gallery, a great big property with a ton of concrete walls full of graffiti by local artists. Yes, I used the term artist. While there's a lot of junky-looking graffiti, there's a ton of really exceptional stuff. the walls range from about 8 feet to 12 feet tall, and there are four levels of this concrete. One artist I spoke with said there's over 22,000 square feet of concrete wall at this place. I'm telling you, every square inch of wall is covered with paint. It was a really Austin-y thing to see. I don't know if there's anywhere else in the world with a place like this. I took a ton of pictures.

Then I went to Veracruz All Natural, a local purveyor of "trailer food," which is a huge thing in Austin. As you might guess from the name, it's mexican food. Oh my gosh. I got a steak taco, a chicken taco, and a melon agua fresca. All I had on my tacos was the meat with cilantro and onions. They were in fresh-made tortillas and were so, so good. No salsa, cheese, sour cream or anything else was needed. The meat was so delicious! Mmmmmm...if I ever get back to Austin, I'll hit Veracruz again.

Next, I went up to Mount Bonnell, the highest point in Austin at a whopping 775 feet above sea level. =0) To my friends in Utah, this will seem pretty ridiculous. Even Santa Rosa, CA, where I grew up has hills higher than that in the vicinity. But because everything around it (for several miles) is so flat, the view of Austin and the surrouning areas from the top of the hill is pretty cool. While I was up at the top, I spent some time talking with a young couple from the area about Austin, San Francisco and Salt Lake City. The guy had no idea about the graffiti wall I had looked at 45 minutes before, and thought it sounded pretty cool. He also wants to go to San Francisco now, just from my description of The City.

I decided then that I needed to go shopping in the rather ecclectic South Commerce district. Austin's official city slogan is "Keep Austin Weird," so I figured I should get some sort of memorabilia from that kind of city...my kind of city. Of course, as Noelle and I always do when we travel to different places, I had to get a refrigerator magnet. I also got a ball cap with the city's slogan on the front of it for me and a necklace for Noelle.

Finally, I took Lexi's (my nephew Riki's girlfriend) advice to get a burger from Hut's Hamburgers downtown before going to the airport. The burger I had was very good - meat, swiss cheese, bacon, mayo and green chiles. I didn't bother with fries or anything because I had just finished my lunch about 3 hours before and I just wanted to get something good to fill me up so I wouldn't have to buy super expensive airport food in Austin or Phoenix. Then it was off to the airport to check in for my flight and head home. 

I'm really glad that everything I did and every place I went Monday and Tuesday is unique to Austin. That was my goal - to experience as much of the city that I couldn't find or experience anywhere else. I may never get back to Austin, or Texas, for that matter. I wanted to make the most of the couple days I had to experience Austin before coming home. Now I'm home refreshed and relaxed. Hopefully I can keep that state for as long as I can. It was great to spend time with my parents, Gwen, Yasir, Christy and her family for a few days. Most places I went, I didn't need my mask because it was outdoors, or just didn't have a lot of people around. I wasn't being reminded 24/7 of the fact that I'm recovering from leukemia and have a suppressed immune system. Granted, I lathered up with 100-SPF sunscreen and wore my big ugly hat all day Monday and Tuesday while I was outdoors to limit my sun exposure and avoid aggravating my GVH. But getting away from home and the monotony of everything here was great for me.

I'm so blessed to have a wife who recognized (much more than I did) how much I needed this trip. Not just to see Gwen married, but to get away from everything for a while. She's very perceptive and considerate of my needs, even with all she does and all she needs to keep her own batteries charged on a daily basis. I love Noelle so, so much. I could never thank her enough for her extreme goodness to me.

To Heck with the Risks - It's My Sister's Wedding!

My blood counts have been stable for months. My GVH hasn't been as bad over the past week or so. I feel great. So, what did I do? I decided to fly to Austin, TX to see my older sister, Gwen, get married to her best friend, Yasir. Why is that such a big deal? Well...

Airplanes and hotels aren't known for being the most sanitary of places. Think about it... You've been planning a trip to Location X for months. Now, the day before your trip, you fall ill with a cold or flu. Do you cancel your vacation or incredibly important business trip? No. You load up on over-the-counter meds that mask your symptoms and go on your trip. But just because your symptoms are masked doesn't mean you're not breathing germs into the air that can make those around you sick. And for the immunocompromised people sitting around you, that's really not a good thing. Your germs get on the airplane seat, on the tray table in front of you, on the arm rests, on the seat belt, on the handle to and out of the lavatory. Your germs are spread throughout the hotel room, getting on the door knobs and light switches, the faucet handles and alarm clock, the TV and remote control, the phone, the mini-fridge, the microwave, the tables, desk and chairs. Do you really think the flight crew on the plane or the housekeeping staff in your hotel wipe all of that stuff down with Lysol wipes every time the plane or hotel room is vacated? Not on your life. But for me, it is about my life.

Some immunocompromised people I know don't like wearing the filtered mask their doctors have given them in public, even in close quarters with others you don't know and don't know whether they are sick or healthy. Why? I'm not sure. Perhaps it's because they don't want to draw too much attention to themselves. Perhaps it's because the masks aren't terribly comfortable. Maybe they figure "Hey, I'm feeling well. It's not that big of a risk." But the fact is, a "simple" cold or flu bug, RSV, or other illness that you can fight off with a healthy immune system in a matter of a few days can land you in a hospital bed, an ICU bed, or the grave with limited or no immune capabilities. I wear my mask. Anyway...enough of my little rant. Back to the good stuff...

So I flew from Salt Lake City to Phoenix and then on to Austin, Texas late Friday night. At breakfast Saturday morning, I learned just how deep Texans' state pride runs...

Gwen and Yasir were married at noon on Saturday. It was a beautiful service, conducted by one of their dearest friends, Elaine. Yasir was as handsome as always, and Gwen was glowing with happiness, which made her natural beauty all the more breathtaking. The wedding and reception were fun, and I enjoyed being with my parents and my Texas family for the day. Here's are some pictures...

After the reception, my sister Christy (Linda) and her husband, Paul, took me to the airport to pick up my rental car because I had arrived at 2 a.m. and all the car rental places were closed. After that, we all went out to dinner at Abel's, which is a really fun restaurant with GREAT food. My nephew, Riki, treated me to dinner for my upcoming birthday. We had such a great time. Here's a picture of all of us on the patio.

 The group at dinner, clockwise, from front-left: Jason, Dad, Mom, Beth and Derek, Paul, Christy, Aaron, Jeanee, Lexi, Riki (Steven), me, Jordan.

 Fried Pickles, a Texas specialty. Wow. So Good!

Pork chop, garlic mashed potatoes and green beans. Super good. Thanks, Riki!

I'm so glad I made this trip, which, by the way, is a combined Father's Day and birthday (and every other gift-giving occasion for the net five years) gift from Noelle. I love her so much for giving me this opportunity to see my sweet sister married and spend time with family. Most of them came to the family reunion last summer, but I was mostly incoherent during what I've come to call my "Three Weeks of Hell." For those who only recently have begun to follow my blog, you can read the post from last July called "An Unexpected Hiatus" for more info on what that's all about. Anyway, Noelle's holding down the fort on her own for four days while I'm here, and I'm so grateful for the blessing she is in my life.

So, I figured, I'm traveling to Austin, Texas for the first (and perhaps only) time in my life. I may as well experience it a little. I'm staying through tomorrow (Tuesday). Yesterday was Father's Day, so I went to Lexington, a little town (population 1,177) where Christy and Paul live with Jason (Christy's youngest) and Beth (Christy's 2nd of 5 kids) and Beth's two sons, Jordan and Derek. Mom and Dad joined me and Beth and her boys at Beth's branch Sacrament Meeting and then went to Christy and Paul's place for the day. We had a gerat time just hanging out, playing games (it's the Mann Clann, after all), and talking all afternoon and evening. After a gerat dinner and dessert, and about 1/2 an hour "FaceTime-ing" with my kids (I love modern technology), I drove back to my hotel and tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep some time around 3 a.m. It's just hard for me to sleep without Noelle by my side. 17-1/2 years of sleeping next to someone you love deeply will do that to you. =0)

Anyway, today, I'm meeting Gwen, Yasir, Mom, Dad and Christy for lunch at The Salt Lick - a supposedly great BBQ place South-West of Austin, then sight-seeing the rest of today and tomorrow until I have to check in at the airport around 5:00 for my 6:45 flight home. It should be fun. 

Well, that's about it for now. I'll post more in the next few days about today and tomorrow's activities. Until then...

Accessing the Grace of Christ in Our Daily Lives

I spoke in Sacrament Meeting this morning for the first time in nearly two years. Noelle and I spoke in July or August 2012, shortly after we moved into our new ward. This time, I was asked to speak on the topic of grace. I know it makes for a very long blog post, but the full text of my talk is below. I include it in my blog because it deals a lot with the challenges I've had over the past 20 1/2 months, and how the grace of my Savior has been so incredibly important in sustaining, strengthening, comforting and enabling me through it all...

In Abraham 3:25, we read of a conversation between God and Christ before sending us all to Earth. God said, “And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.” In this verse, the word “prove” means to try or test. God did not say “we will see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them when life is easy.” This life is hard. It was meant to be so. Otherwise it wouldn’t be much of a test. Lehi instructed his sons to be ready for challenges when he told them “it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Nephi 2:11, emphasis added). But there is a purpose in the opposition we face. Lehi continued: “if it were not so…righteousness could not be brought to pass, …neither holiness, …neither good” (2 Nephi 2:11). Lehi is telling us that without the opposition that comes to us in our lives, we would have no ability to develop the level of righteousness, holiness and goodness we need to be prepared to return to the presence of God and enjoy the full blessings that come to His faithful children.

The apostle Paul was a man who knew a bit about opposition. He was heavily involved in the opposition to the early Church and its members throughout the Holy Lands. Following his conversion, he travelled thousands of miles throughout Palestine, western Asia, and Europe, to repair the damage he had done and to bring others to Christ. He was imprisoned, shipwrecked and suffered many further oppressions for the sake of the Gospel. Through all of the opposition he faced on the Lord’s side of things, his faith was tested and his testimony of the resurrected Savior was opposed at every turn. How did he go on? Where did he find the strength to do all that he did? In Philippians 4:13, Paul attests: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” How is it that Jesus Christ strengthened him in his times of darkness and light, scarcity and plenty, turmoil and peace? It was through the strengthening, comforting and enabling power of the Savior that we call grace.

On Saturday, December 1, 2012, my family and I had a singular experience. Less than two months after my diagnosis with Plasma Cell Leukemia, we received a personal visit from Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles while he was visiting our stake and reorganizing the Stake Presidency. He took time out of his very busy day to talk with us and to teach us.

After seating himself humbly on the piano bench, which was easily the least comfortable seat in the room, Elder Bednar looked at me and said simply, “How goes the battle.” I briefly explained to him how things were going and what lay ahead of us. He then asked, “As you’ve been going through this, what have you seen in yourself that has surprised you.” I spoke of how simple faith can also be profound, and how I’ve determined to allow the Lord to refine and prepare me for whatever lies next in my life. Elder Bednar then asked Noelle “What has surprised you about yourself through all of this?” Noelle talked about the strength she’s felt in being able to handle everything. Then Elder Bednar talked about where that strength comes from. He said that too often in the Church, we focus on how the Atonement “scrubs us clean,” as if those who have already been cleaned have no way to put the Atonement to use in their daily lives. He said that we don’t speak enough about the strength and comfort that come through the Atonement. “That is what grace is,” he said.

The Bible Dictionary defines grace as “divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.” It goes on to say, “It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by His atoning sacrifice, …that individuals, through faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts” (p. 697).

In his first General Conference address as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, Elder Bednar talked about grace as an additive to our weak but “best efforts” to help us accomplish the good we need to do in life. He highlighted the Book of Mormon prophet Jacob’s testimony that “the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things” (Jacob 4:7). Elder Bednar continues: “…the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity.”

For what “good works” do we require the grace of Christ to accomplish? Every single one. When is His grace available to us? Gratefully, always. And when do we need Christ’s grace? The answer is the same: always. We all need grace in our daily lives. But how can we arrive at the point that the Lord will intervene in our behalf with His grace?

In General Conference in April 1993, Elder Gene R. Cook explained “five principles that may help us obtain that divine intervention” (Receiving Divine Assistance through the Grace of the Lord). They are faith, repentance, humility, doing all in our power, and keeping the commandments. Is any one of us surprised that those would be the conditions for receiving this supernal gift from the Savior?

Moroni tells us that “Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moroni 7:33). Whose power will we have by our faith? The Lord’s power. In his epistle to the Romans, Paul says that “being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

“By whom also we have access by faith into this grace” (Rom. 5:1-2).

Repentance is the second condition by which we access grace. In the Book of Helaman, we read: “Therefore, blessed are they who will repent. …

“And may God grant … that men might be brought unto repentance and good works, that they might be restored unto grace for grace, according to their works” (Hel. 12:23–24). Elder Cook explains that “a repentant heart and good works are the very conditions required to have grace restored to us” when that power has been lost.

Humility is also a key. “God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble” (James 4:6). We must be humble enough to accept that we cannot do all that we need to do in this life without the assistance of He who is “mighty to save” (Alma 34:18).

We can’t expect the Lord to do everything for us, though. Nephi stated clearly that “by grace…we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Ne 25:23). Elder Cook adds that “unless one has done all in his own power, he cannot expect the grace of God to be manifest. …Once one has given all he can, then the Lord, through His grace, may assist him.” “Therefore, …let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:17).

Finally, we don’t have to be perfect to access grace, but we need to do our very best to keep the commandments. The Savior instructed, “If you keep my commandments you shall receive of [God’s] fullness …; therefore, …you shall receive grace for grace” (D&C 93:20). When we show the Lord our faith, repentance, humility, and willingness to do all we can to be obedient, the windows of Heaven are opened, and grace pours down upon us.

All home and visiting teachers who have ever had to “dig deep” to fulfill their assignment and keep their commitment to the Lord, their priesthood leaders and those they serve have accessed the grace of the Lord in doing His work. Every bishop who has had to rely upon revelation to know how best to counsel a ward member has benefited from this “enabling power.” Every mother who has knelt in prayer at the side of a sick child to seek peace of mind for herself and healing for one she loves has been blessed by the comforting power of Christ’s grace. This grace has been extended to all who have sought comfort when their hearts are empty and hurting as loved ones pass from this life into the next. All of us who have called upon the mercy and kindness of a forgiving Father in Heaven to heal our hearts and eliminate one more shade of “the natural man” in our lives have only received forgiveness through the grace made possible through the Atonement of Jesus. In short, every one of us who strives along the “strait and narrow” path that leads to eternal life needs the grace of Jesus Christ to strengthen our hands, steady our feet, and focus our vision more clearly on the “tree of life, whose fruit is most precious and most desirable above all other fruits; yea, and…the greatest of all the gifts of God” (1 Ne. 15:36).

The words of an old spiritual attest to the need for grace on an ongoing basis:

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home. (Amazing Grace, John Newton)

Elder Bednar asks if we can “sense the grace and strengthening power of Christ in the testimony of Ammon?” Ammon says, “Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things…for which [I] will praise his name forever” (Alma 26:12). Truly, … in the strength of the Lord we can do and endure and overcome all things.” Brothers and sisters, I testify that I have learned that for myself.

I’m incredibly grateful to be able to say that going through four rounds of chemotherapy was not a huge ordeal for me. Sure, I lost my strength and stamina, and food didn’t taste good to me, but I wasn’t anywhere near as sick as I had anticipated being. Then in February of last year I went through the first of two stem cell transplants. The three weeks I spent in the hospital were like walking “through the valley of the shadow of death.” In addition to needing regular transfusions of red blood cells, plasma and platelets, and feeling incredibly weak and tired all the time, I also developed typhlitis, an infection in my gut that made it impossible to eat or digest anything.

While in the hospital recovering from my second transplant just three months later, I developed Graft vs. Host Disease, giving me sores in my mouth and throat that made swallowing anything a burden. The pain was so intense that I needed a pain pump to administer to my own relief.

Nine days after being released from the hospital after my second transplant, I was back in a hospital bed with a liver and kidneys that were failing. My medicines weren’t being filtered out of my body properly and ultimately became toxins to my body. My brain activity dropped to about half of normal and I lost my abilities to do most of the very simple things we all take for granted every day like shifting my own body in bed, bathing, eating and communicating effectively. At times, I would have complete sentences going through my head as I wanted to participate in conversations between Noelle, my doctors and nurses, and others, but only grunts and groans would come out of my mouth. I remember wondering if I would ever come back to normal, and why the Lord would allow me to suffer as I was. As my liver and kidneys slowly began working again, I was able to speak and eat a little, but needed help walking. For several days I worked with the hospital’s physical therapists, having to walk with a walker. On the first day with the walker, I couldn’t even go 10 feet without walking my therapist into the wall. Gradually, my ability to walk, talk and eat came back to me, and I was able to return home to continue my recovery.

For the next couple months, everything I did was laborious. Noelle and I had to move to the ground floor of our home because I was so weak that it was unsafe for me to climb the stairs to our bedroom. I shuffled my feet everywhere I went. If I tripped, I couldn’t catch myself without falling to the ground with a heavy thud. When I was on the ground, I needed to crawl to a bed or a stair to help myself get up, or have someone pick me up. I was 41, but felt like I was 101. Being bald didn’t help me feel any younger, either. =0)

Alma tells us that Christ suffered as deeply as he did in Gethsemane and on the cross “that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12). Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has explained that “to succor means ‘to run to’,” and “that Christ will run to us, and is running even now, if we will but receive the extended arm of his mercy” (“Teaching, Preaching, Healing,” Ensign, Jan. 2003).

Much has been said about the value one could derive from walking in another man’s shoes. Unfortunately, cancer is something I’ve found that is a singular experience for every patient, even if the kind of cancer they have and the treatment regimen they go through is identical to that of another. Every patient’s body experiences those things in their own unique way. Though I had the assistance and sympathy of many who love me, and the relative empathy of other leukemia patients I had met, I was alone in my particular experience. In his visit to our home several months before, Elder Bednar had expressed his conviction that “when we feel the most alone is when the Savior draws nearest to us.” As awful as I felt physically through all of these health issues, I felt the Savior draw near to me every day through the grace He offered me. His promise that as we “draw near unto [Him]” that “[He] will draw near unto [us]” (D&C 88:63) became evident as I called upon Him in frequent prayer. God’s words to Joseph Smith echoed through my mind: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high” (D&C 121:7-8).

Over the course of the last 20 ½ months since a shoulder injury led to MRIs, blood tests and, ultimately, discussions about blood, bone marrow and leukemia, it’s been interesting to see and feel the infinitely merciful and gracious hand of the Lord in my life. Many times, I’ve seen it in the good things that you, our fellow ward members, have done for my family when moved upon by the Holy Spirit. Many times, I’ve witnessed the manifestation of Christ’s grace when doctors have no medical explanation for the illness or the subsequent healing. I’ve felt the comforting power of His grace in the peace He’s given me through the Holy Ghost in times of sadness, loneliness and illness. I’ve seen His grace in the strength He’s given Noelle to suffer alongside me with courage and with the conviction that it will all turn out alright.

Brothers and sisters, I testify that our Savior lives. In the words of a favorite hymn:

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart. (“I Know That My Redeemer Lives,” Hymns, 136)

It is through the grace of Christ, made possible through His infinite, merciful and loving Atonement for us all that these blessings are made available to us. I know that He is always there and that His grace is always available to us to strengthen us, comfort us, and empower us in all we do. I have felt this power. I testify that “if [we] shall deny [ourselves] of all ungodliness, and love God with all [our] might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for [us], that by his grace [we] may be perfect in Christ” (Moro. 10:32). I pray that we might always choose to access grace by doing all we can to live in accordance with our covenants and always being engaged in good works. May we then live in constant gratitude for the “enabling power” of grace in our daily lives. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

One Year...And Counting

On Thursday, May 29, 2014, I celebrated one of the most significant days of my life. It was the first anniversary of the stem cell (bone marrow) transplant that saved my life, or what I like to call my "TRANSPLANTIVERSARY."

The "celebration" began on Tuesday, with my 1-year work-up appointment at LDS Hospital. The appointment consisted of a clinic visit with a Zometa (bone strengthener) infusion, a GVH assessment, a bone marrow biopsy, a chest x-ray, a full body skeletal survey, a CT scan, and a pulmonary function test. Also, because I had tested positive the two Tuesdays before for Epstein-Barr virus, they wanted me to receive an infusion of Rituxin. With everything else going on, we never even got to the pulmonary test. I showed up at the hospital at 8:30 in the morning, and didn't leave until shortly after 10 o'clock at night. Of course, the purpose behind all of this was to assess how my body is doing, and whether or not I'm still cancer-free.

Well, the results are in, and I'm extremely happy to report that I am 100% cancer-free, and my marrow is 100% donor marrow. That last part is especially significant because as long as my marrow is my donor's marrow, it can't produce the cancer. My Plasma Cell Leukemia came about because my DNA "broke" and started telling my marrow to produce faulty, cancerous white blood cells. Well, gratefully, my donor's marrow is not controlled by my DNA. That's a good thing. My bones are still as porous as they have been since my diagnosis, and they will never regenerate the hard, outer bone tissue that has been destroyed by my multiple myeloma. My lymph nodes, heart, lungs, and other internal organs are all doing well. On June 10, Noelle and I will meet with Dr. Mitchell, and discuss all of the results and findings from all of the tests on Tuesday.

On Thursday, our family celebrated my transplantiversary with donuts and orange juice in the morning. I also went to lunch with the director of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk to discuss fund raising ideas and plans for my team for this October's walk. The LLS is the largest funding source for leukemia and lymphoma research and is partially responsible for the medical advances that have made such a difference in saving my life. They've also helped my family through a copay assistance program that has helped us aford all of my prescriptions. I just want to give back. I plan to raise over $3,000 for leukemia and lymphoma research and patient support in the months leading up to the walk. If anyone reading this wants to be a part of my team, helping me with the "FUN-raising" activities I'll be doing (like a dinner and dessert auction, BUNCO nights, an LLS Spirit Night at Chick-Fil-A, and more...), or walk with me and my family at the Light the Night Walk (Saturday, October 13), please let me know.

On Saturday, I held my annual Be The Match donor drive. It was a success, as the drive coordinator for the Western Region tells me that anything over 20 registrants is a success. We registered 21 people on Saturday, with several others committed to join in the coming days. They just couldn't make it to the drive itself. We also raised $635 with individual contributions ranging from spare change to $100. Every dollar counts, as it costs Be The Match $100 to process each registration. Fundraising continues on an ongoing basis. If anyone wants to make a contribution, the link to do so is: http://www.bethematchfoundation.org/goto/philpott.

My Graft vs. Host Disease (GVH or GVHD) continues on my skin. Interestingly enough, it's also causing my hair to fall out. I have a big bald spot in the middle of my chest, the hair all over my body is thinning, including my eyebrows and the hair on top of my head. It's funny. I never lost my eyebrows when the rest of the hair on my body was lost with chemo and transplants, and now, more than a year after my last chemo dose, I appear to be losing them. It'll be interesting to find out if I lose all the hair on my head, or if it just thins. 

And finally, I didn't get the part-time job I interviewed for with the LLS. Oh well. If it was meant to be it would have happened. 

More later...