Last night, I went to see the show "The Forgotten Carols" with Abigail. She earned a date with Noelle or I for getting straight A's in the first quarter of the school year. The show was great. I expected good, but not great. It was so good for me to get out, particularly to see a live, professional theatrical performance. After the show, the south end of the school was locked, and so Abby and I had to walk around from the north end of the school, where the auditorium is to the south end. It's a pretty big high school, so the long walk to the car in 17 degree weather kinda wore me out, but oh well.
I've been doing OK lately. Not great, but not awful. My central line is out, which is awesome. After 14 months of having to shower with something hanging out of my arm or my chest, having to always cover it with Saran Cling Wrap and/or medical tape, it’s so nice to not have to worry about it. The spot where the catheter entered my chest is now completely healed up, with only a scar to show for it. Yippee Skippee! I get poked once a week now for my blood tests, but I can deal with that. It’s definitely a worth-while trade-off. The past few days, I've woken up feeling pretty nauseous. Today I wasn't able to eat anything until noon, and even then, it was just a piece of toast with some strawberry preserves. I was warned by my doctors that my appetite might drop off a bit when we got off of the prednisone (the steroid that was making me look like the elephant man), but I wasn't prepared for the nausea and the near-complete lack of an appetite. Hopefully it doesn't last forever.
I found this meme on Facebook today, as posted by the organization, StandUp2Cancer.org.
It got me thinking...
Early on in my cancer struggle, somebody told me, "John, it isn't fair." I told them, "If God feels it's fair, then it's right." Since then I have gone through hell and I have come back. My journey is one that has taught me much. I would never give back what I've learned about God, my Savior, and myself through this journey. I agree wholeheartedly with Robert Frost who said, "The best way out is always through." Going through my trial has given me perspective and knowledge and understanding that I never could have gotten any other way. I have seen the selfishness that used to infect and pervade my soul. Now I see the selflessness that blesses and enlarges the souls of those around me. I have been forced to receive as those around me have felt compelled to give. Simon Peter said that Jesus went "went about doing good." So many of Jesus' angels in human form have done the same thing in behalf of me and my family. Their example has not been lost on me. So don't pity me for this thing called Cancer which infected my body, because it did not infect my soul, my spirit or my life. On the contrary, it taught me. It inspired me. It made me dig deep to find out who I really am, and determine who I really can become, want to become and vow to become. Some people view Cancer as a premature end to mortal life. I view it as an early preview and precursor to my immortal life which is yet to come. I am learning now how to live for eternity. I thank God for trusting me to learn from this experience by going through it.
I have had a change of heart about something. Easter used to be my favorite holiday, and Christmas my second favorite. You see, Christmas - the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, really - gains its meaning in the atonement that Jesus wrought 34 years later. Easter is when we celebrate Christ's victory over death (through the resurrection which we will all now receive) and over sin (through his suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, granting us the opportunity to repent of our sins and be forgiven). Without the atonement, the birth of Christ would have been far less meaningful, almost insignificant. For that reason, Easter has long been my favorite holiday. NOW, however... for the second Christmas in a row, I have been first-hand witness to, and the recipient of, such tremendous generosity and kindness that my heart has been changed. Christmas is and always has been Noelle's favorite holiday because there's an entire month or so of kindness and people going out of their way to be generous and giving to others. Now that I've had two Decembers in a row of experiencing that first-hand, plus one very special Christmas when I was 11 when people took care of our family when my dad was laid off, I can't help but say that Christmas is now my favorite holiday. Easter hasn't lost its meaning, but Christmas seems to inspire more goodness in people. I wish people would be this selfless and nice year-round, but in our society of increasing self-centeredness, where things that are fleeting and meaningless are adored and even idolized, one month of people turning outward and thinking of others first is pretty remarkable. Some friends (both known and anonymous) have given us money and gifts to help us provide a very memorable and merry Christmas for our children. It's humbling. It's inspiring. Noelle and I are already discussing how we can pay it forward in years to come. I'm sure I'll post more about it all after Christmas.
Anyway, I guess that's about it for now. If anyone else but me reads this, I hope you have a very merry Christmas!
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