It's really a miracle when you think about it. Two years and three months ago, I was diagnosed with an incredibly high-risk form of leukemia, with high-risk markers in my DNA. The chances of my survival - even with a stem cell transplant - were low. Noelle and I did what we could to stay positive and focused on a favorable outcome. The hell that Noelle and I went through together and individually is not something I would wish on anyone. However, going through hell has helped both of us to gain an appreciation for God's love and mercy and grace in a way that we could not have gained it otherwise.
I'm so grateful to be in a position in which I know that I will be back to church. There are no worries about whether I will be well again, and there's no fear. My perspective on life has changed a great deal. A dear friend of mine in Sacramento who passed away last year lived with many health issues for many years. Every time I would speak with Patricia, and ask her how she was doing, she would always say, "every day is a blessing." I never really understood what she meant until these last two years. Truly, every day is a blessing…for each of us. It's just a question of whether or not we will recognize it as such, and make the most of that gift that we've received. I may not be feeling well physically today, but my heart is light as I recognize the incredible gift of life that I received in just waking up today. Years ago, I would wake up and take the fact that I woke up for granted. Now, every day that I wake up, I recognize the incredible gift that that is. And I recognize that I have the capacity to use that gift for good in ways that I never imagined before. I'm just one person, but one person can make a tremendous difference in this life. Just think about Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, Jesus Christ. Now, I would never put myself on equal footing with with any of them, but certainly I can look to them as an example of how my life can impact other lives for good.
I think it really boils down to this: what kind of legacy do we want to leave behind? A couple weeks ago, I attended the funeral of a dear friend…a fellow fighter named Houston Holbrook. Throughout the funeral, as is common, people spoke of what a great man he was. But the thing that struck me was that with every compliment given to Houston, there were multiple examples demonstrating that those compliments were well-founded. And then, what struck me more deeply is that every day we live, we are writing our own eulogy. Is it a eulogy based in rhetoric or reality? Is it a eulogy filled with words about potential that went unrealized, or is it a eulogy filled with examples of how capabilities were turned into accomplishments? I wonder what could be said about me if I were to die today. Would flowery words fall mutely on the ears of people who would wonder, "Who was so blessed to have John in their life? Sure...he was a good guy, but really, did he make such a difference in my life?" I'm not saying that I seek posthumous praise from others. What I am saying is that I want my life to have meaning. Not just to me, but to others. I want to live each day with purpose. And I want to fulfill that purpose. Thoughts and intentions are important, but integrity - living in a way that the outward man is in perfect harmony with the inward man - is what really matters most.
Today - and every day - I write my own eulogy in the way I live.
